


I Held on as Tightly as You Held on to Me

by DisgruntledPelican



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisgruntledPelican/pseuds/DisgruntledPelican
Summary: Noah watches Dan on Day 52 of filming the final season of Schitt's Creek.
Relationships: Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 24
Kudos: 50





	I Held on as Tightly as You Held on to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Slight spoilers for: the beautiful documentary- Best Wishes, Warmest Regards & 6.12- The Pitch.
> 
> I don't think I can write anymore without NeelyO's brainstorming, edits, validation, and general cheerleading!!! Thank you, thank you!
> 
> I think we are all figuring out how to process the show ending. For me, writing this helped.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

He watches. 

He watches as Dan hugs Annie, squeezing his face together to try and show some semblance of control over his emotions—even though everyone knows just how _much_ Dan is feeling these days. 

He listens as Andrew calls _a series wrap, a Schitt’s Creek wrap on Annie Murphy_ followed all too suddenly by a _series wrap for Daniel Levy;_ he's never seen someone clap with such pride as Eugene does, or hug quite as tightly as Catherine. 

He watches Dan and Annie share hugs with Eugene and Catherine. _The Original Rose Family_ having a well deserved moment in each other’s arms. 

He knows this is his role: to watch and step back. He knows he will have his moment with Dan later, separate and private. Intimate. Knows that for Dan, the prospect of saying goodbye to Patrick _and_ working with Noah is too much. Too much for Dan, too much for Noah. Too much for this day. 

It’s all just too much to take on in one day, outside of the Rosebud Motel—where Patrick and David had their first kiss. Where Johnny tried to hug David in a car, and David asked Stevie _thrice_ for towels. Where David rode a bike, and the family looked at a giant family portrait, and Alexis and Johnny bickered over plagiarisms. 

Where the **Rosebud Motel** sign was revealed, and ultimately where two families waited and celebrated a successful pitch. 

Dan somehow was finding a way to carve out a piece of his time and himself to say goodbye and thank you to each person who contributed to the world he created. Dan knew what each person needed—jokes and teasing for Annie until the moment the laughs turned to actual tears; quiet time with Emily in a space for just the two of them; hugs along with words of affirmation and gratitude for and from Catherine and Eugene. And countless more goodbyes to those who helped make Dan’s ridiculous and idyllic world a reality.

This part is the hardest for him, though. Watching Dan’s chest heave with emotion and his face constrict with the effort to take steadying breaths while the emotions pulse through him. Noah longs to touch, to comfort, to ease this pain… and he will. But he knows Dan needs and wants to live in this moment. To allow for this time, this work, this world he’s created to wash over him. 

Mourning the end is part of it for all of them. It’s part of being involved in something so beautiful, so impactful, transformative; something that will last forever in the world. 

It’s bittersweet to be a part of something like this. 

Sweet because the show will live on. It’s impact will continuously be felt, continue to change lives, serve as a guiding force for important conversations and continue to have far-reaching cultural impacts. Sweet because of the laughs, catchphrases, the dances, empty threats, tender moments, and the growth. And especially sweet because of the people met along the way; the friendships, the relationships… the family.

Bitter only because the joy of the show, for them, isn’t solely in watching the final product of each episode. It’s in the parts of the show that won’t continue on. It’s in production, table reads, walks between the trailers, dance parties during hair and makeup; the relationships on set, the professionalism and the less-than-professional moments; the debates about pizza, shared desserts and snacks, the quiet moments between takes that you know are going to be important, and the opportunity to work with legends. 

Watching and feeling as the man who made all of that happen for everyone takes his last moment as David Rose… there just aren’t words.

The night lingers on long after the final cut. Time is taken to clear the set a final time. Noah watches as Dan spends precious moments with various members of the team that bring the Rosebud Motel exterior to life. 

Music plays, Champagne is popped, laughter and sniffles fill the space as they all savor their time on this last set, on this last day. 

Noah doesn’t have to watch all night; Dan finds him when he’s ready. It seems to all happen in slow motion. Dan is shaking hands with a member of the production crew, who then walks away. Noah knows that this is the first time Dan has been alone all night. He watches as Dan looks around, assumingly seeking another person to thank and praise.

Eventually, Dan’s eyes land on Noah. They’re wide, and red-rimmed, his eyebrows lift and then droop low as he lets out a giant breath he’s probably been holding all day. Noah knows that he’s done watching, Dan doesn’t need space anymore, he needs.. well. He needs Noah.

Noah excuses himself from his conversation with Andrew and Annie who give knowing looks as they watch him make his way to the man barely holding it together. 

“Hey, you,” Noah says in a quiet tone as he approaches, arms stretched to the side, an open invitation for comfort. Dan takes another heaving breath, his shoulders carrying the weight of this world he’s created, and stumbles forward into Noah’s embrace. Noah rubs circles on his back, slow and methodical. Lingering.

They live in this precious moment until Dan’s breath steadies briefly. 

Dan gives a sigh and pulls slightly out of the embrace.

Noah kisses Dan’s forehead before filling the space between with his own, “What’s next? Are you ready to go?”

“I’m not ready yet. Soon, but not yet. Can we go talk with the others?”

“Of course, let’s go.”

“Stay with me. Please.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Daniel.” 

They join the others, never breaking contact with one another. And if forced to pick a favorite part of _saying goodbye,_ it’s these moments—when he has Dan within his reach, reminiscing with his favorite people about the best years of his life; swapping stories, and moments, sharing looks and laughs, some tears, a lot of gentle touches, nudges, and hugs between friends and found family. These moments—these are some of the sweet ones that they’ll look back on.

The lights come down because production lights do have to be turned off eventually. And as much as no one wants to leave this place, Dan can only handle the bugs for so long before they win over the desire to stay, and they begin making their way to the cars.

Three cars remain for Annie, Andrew, and then Noah and Dan. No one is quick to get in, but eventually they do with promises to check-in the next day, more words of congratulations, and even more jokes about _the noise_. 

Dan and Noah watch the other cars drive away, and theirs begins to move.

Dan leans forward and taps their driver on the shoulder, “Can we.. Uhh— can we have one more minute? I just want one more look.”

The driver comes to a stop and says something about checking the tires or the windows, either way he gets out of the car with a small, gentle smile and kind eyes. 

Dan moves his body so he can see the “Rosebud Motel” sign, squinting to get a better look in the darkness.

Noah watches. 

“You know, I knew this place would change the Roses. I didn’t realize how much it would change my life. It was a dream. At one point it was just an idea, then a dream. And now, it’s...”

He doesn’t finish that thought. Noah’s not sure if he wanted to finish that sentence with _over_ or _forever._ Both would be true. 

Noah rests a hand on Dan’s thigh. He watches as his face transforms from something reminiscent, to something… different. Sad, maybe. But resolute. 

“I just.” He sighs and drops his head slightly. “I love this world. These people and how they treat each other. The love and support and freedom to exist and grow. The real world—it's just not the same.”

Dan’s shoulders droop a bit more, the day weighing on him.

“No, Daniel. You’re right. The real world will never compare to the one you created.” He kisses his forehead, uses a finger to tilt Dan’s head up so their eyes are locked. “But you made the real world a better place by giving it something to aspire to.”

Noah sees the shift in Dan’s face as his words settle in. Noah meets him halfway as they share an achingly tender, slow, languid kiss. It’s lips and tongue, and comforting, grasping hands. 

They break apart and Noah watches as Dan puts his window down and gestures. 

“Driver? We’re ready.”


End file.
